Growing up I always had a fragile self-image. I was insecure about many things—my appearance, my intelligence, my family, you name it. I was probably insecure about it all. This translated to being quiet and having low self-worth. However, this changed when I found Christ. This article explores low self-esteem and how my desire to seek validation came not from within, but from Jesus.
Why you have a fragile self image
There are many factors that could contribute to this fragility. Perhaps there were numerous challenging life events, especially during childhood. Or maybe there’s a genetic component, or certain psychological traits at play. It could also be influenced by how we perceive our own identity. While larger forces may be at work, there are also tangible reasons within our control, namely, our thought patterns.
Here are a few ways our thinking can contribute to a fragile self image:
1) Comparing ourselves to others.
2) Dwelling on our negative attributes or failures.
3) Recalling times when things didn’t work out.
4) Worrying excessively about others’ opinions.
5) Magnifying our failures.
6) Constantly telling ourselves we’re wrong.
7) Linking our feelings to our identity.
8) Failing to discern the truth.
This list is not exhaustive, but the bottom line is that our thought processes significantly influence how we perceive ourselves, including our fragile self image.
How to Change your view of yourself
The simple answer is to change the way we think. It’s evident that we have control over our thoughts, so it’s a matter of controlling how we perceive ourselves.
One of the foundations of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is focusing on how we think about things. Prior to CBT, therapy largely centered on exploring past trauma or the root of our psychological dysfunction. However, it has been shown that simply changing the way we think can have a profound impact on our mental health. Therefore, in the same vein, simply changing how we think—recognizing when we are having thoughts that promote a negative selfimage and redirecting them towards a more positive outlook on ourselves—can be beneficial.
Of course, this takes practice and time, and sometimes counseling, as it’s obviously easier said than done. Nevertheless, making these changes can have a profound impact on our well-being.
Check out: Traits of Confident People- and How Christ Combats Your Insecurities and helps you be more Confident
How Jesus Changes your Self Image
As Christians, we possess a powerful remedy for our fragile self esteem. Upon reflecting on the factors that induce insecurity, we come to realize that these insecurities stem from our sense of identity and self.
I greatly admired individuals who exhibited high intelligence. As a younger person, this admiration not only instilled in me a desire to be intelligent myself but also cultivated an insecurity that I was not. This self-perception led to self-doubt when situations arose that challenged this trait. Conversely, it brought about feelings of joy when it was affirmed, yet I felt deeply wounded by personal attacks questioning this esteemed attribute. Such a self-view rendered me vulnerable to the world, as I sought external validation to dictate whether I felt good or bad.
Clearly, this perspective was dysfunctional, as my sense of identity hinged on this attribute for fulfillment. It wasn’t until I comprehended that Christ provides me with validation that everything changed. Realizing that Jesus Christ and God’s opinion of me are the only things that truly matter, my self-view underwent a transformation. Moreover, God’s opinion of me isn’t contingent on my performance, intelligence, or any other qualities that once defined my worth; rather, it’s grounded in the righteousness of Jesus Christ. Understanding this foundational identity brought about a sense of freedom. From this perspective, my struggle to conform to a certain standard was replaced by the reality that God loves me infinitely, and my worth isn’t tied to my abilities but to Jesus.
As a result, my weaknesses no longer serve to diminish me; instead, they are something I embrace—or at the very least, they have no bearing on my sense of self. My fragile self has been replaced with a sense of security that can withstand the storms of external and self-perception.
Conclusion
Attaining a secure self-esteem necessitates certain elements. These include self-compassion and understanding the patterns of your thoughts. However, true confidence ultimately arises from an identity that isn’t reliant on your own abilities or traits, as these are fickle and unstable. Only when anchored in Christ can our fragile self-image evolve from insecurity to a level of confidence that is truly otherworldly.